Changing Behaviors Always Begins With Me

I've decided I am too nice a guy.  I give anybody a second chance, and frequently a third and fourth chance.  As a consequence, some of my friends take advantage of me and stretch the boundaries of our friendship at times.  What they don't realize, is that I do have a good memory and will eventually download on them all my baggage.  I try to do this nicely, but it typically ends up being rather harsh and direct.

I know this is my failing and have been trying to be more immediate and direct in my feedback to others.  So far, the experiments with this new behavior have been very positive and it is becoming easier for me to deliver immediate feedback regarding my interpretations and feelings about their behaviors.

A couple I work with don't seem to follow the standard though.  They sidestep the day to day feedback and chose to have blinders on as to their rightness and their rights - even when they infringe on others.  So, I have been working at it daily to provide feedback to them and no change seems to be taking place.  In order o break through this barrier of not having the impact I desire, I am now putting everything in writing so they can take the time to read and reread my feedback.

I'm choosing to believe this will work, and don't have enough indication of their response yet.  We'll see in the near future.

The point being that Difficult People come in all shapes, sizes and demeanors.  Dealing with them is a matter of experimenting with new and different behaviors that I don't normally have to employ.  The fact is, I MUST CHANGE, in order for something different to happen.  This is an interesting dichotomy considering I want them to change, but I must initiate it.

HHHHMMMMmmm....

Round & Square Watermelons

Supercilious Thoughts & Pondering

As the beginning of a stream of thought and awareness, this seems like a good title for a blog.

Round & Square Watermelons
The first twenty years of my career was a round watermelon - pretty much the norm for corporate careers.  Moved up and through a couple of organizations in the normal, run of the mill routine.  I waited for them to ask me if I wanted my next role.

Toward the end of my corporate career, I began to change the rules and ask for promotions or changes in role.  Wow!  What a difference in response!  The decision makers began to respond and enable my movement, exposure, leadership, salary, impact, and fun.

After recognizing that the difference was in me, not them or the company, I adopted a new way of thinking (a square watermelon) that I was in control of my destiny.

This caused me to leave the corporate world and strike out on my own in consulting.  Learning new skills, becoming more multi-functional, and sales capabilities were necessary to survive.  So my next realization was triggered.  I came to understand that I was capable of surviving and flourishing on my own!

Now, after 15 or so years as a consultant, I realize the pent up capability within all of us.  Most don't tap near the capacity they have for performance on any level.  They tend to harbor it is fear of failure or risk or excuses for delay/waiting.

I tapped a lot of my capacity and capabilities when stretching and extending myself to learn, grow, risk and win through growing my business and keeping a focus on serving clients and others as a focus for my success.  Adding value for self and others became the mantra for assessment, design, delivery and coaching for independence.  I was having fun!

I guess I learned the trick for teaching others how to fish, versus having them dependent on me for fish.  This delivered lasting, more permanent value for them and me.

Teaching fishing skills has also carried over into personal, family, and work relationships.  Unfortunately, it also has caused me not to waste my time with those who are dependent and don't really want to lead their careers from a growth and development perspective.  They have a dream but don't care to take risks or exert energy to change on a personal level.

Well, this is my first edition of thoughts and ponderings, so watch for more in the future.

Chad